he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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