yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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