why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize