Your dad touched me again.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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