The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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