I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
