the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
