Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
