The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
