New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
