All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
