Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
