Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
