His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
