Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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