just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm just crazy horny about you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
