She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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