DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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