I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
