I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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