I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
