jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Randomize
