do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
