He kissed a someone with a penis
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
FUCK WHALES
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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