well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
