I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
