mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
