You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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