I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
