Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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