Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
