I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
