the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize