I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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