I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
