I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't deserve a penis
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
