I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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