Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
