Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
