wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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