Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize