you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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