I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She told me I should be a condom model.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
