what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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