The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
