Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
