why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
