do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
