went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
