I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
