You can't motorboat a personality
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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