whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
