Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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