I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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