the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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