I think im going to throw up on grandma
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
