Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
