i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
