Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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