He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
