ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
