Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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