its not stalking. its research.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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