I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
