he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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