Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
FUCK WHALES
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