I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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