If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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