Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
