Porn is love you can see.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
