I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
