just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
