yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
